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回到facebook看著一則則在正常也不過的生活，就如同在沉痛的日子裡，突然發現太陽依然用它的速度和步伐，每天點亮白晝，亂了腳步的亂值，像是處理雜訊時被過濾掉的數字，而大地的規則，是保留那主要同步的轉速，其他的，久了就是剃除的雜點在時空裡，慢慢的消逝在空間之中，或者，是有一天，當這些被過濾的雜質累積到一定程度，才會在軌跡裡，形成另一個規則，另一個雜點們聚集的規則。

A day with nothing special

Dear Zoe,

今天去了一家設計公司面試。早早出門，也早早的回來，這麼說你就可以知道，這機會大概沒有成功的趨勢。多面試了幾家，才越覺得怎麼之前工作時的賣命，竟然還挺是一種用心，那種用心大概這年頭也還排在前頭的那種程度。

怎麼以前老覺得還做得不夠，老是有瑕疵，那個自我追逐完美的怪蟲作祟，讓自己難以放鬆。原來是自己把自己的心情拉緊了～

他問，過去可有這些工作經驗？！原來，老闆都不看資料的，我重述寫在書面上的資料給她聽，他好奇的問，這些都是業務的工作吧？！怎會？業務是須要跟客戶密切互動的事務，而不是內外要協調的處理呢！我忘了～這是一個十多人的公司，也許，他需要的助手只是處理家務的那個幫手...是這樣吧？環顧著紊亂的桌面，堆疊了滿桌的書與文件，這像是個研究人的辦公室，已處理的、待處理的、未發生的、已發生的，就這樣交錯的留印記在一頁頁的紙張裡。在過去、現在、未來的時間廊上，放入畫著底線的填空題。

那個數字怎麼來的？是你要我略計的，從過去，從我的可以和你沒說的不知名突發因應裡，胡亂抓出一個概略的數字，就這樣，也是這樣ㄉ！

這個拜訪，揪了一些情緒，也看到了一些原來和應該。那個從別人表情裡的不以為然，是內在應該的反射反應；原來，亂的可以，這樣也可以做生意；原來，世界沒那麼需要精緻，只要過得去就可以；原來，只要50分就可以，何必一定要有75以上的成績；原來，那個內在的要求把事情做得挺是可以，卻還仍不滿意的想要怎麼改良才行；原來，那些走在路上了解了的微笑需要這樣的步伐才能拉起，是走急了繞遠路才行；原來，就很簡單的作自己，就可以；原來，這樣就可以。

Journey

I've been silent for quite a while. Seems like a way to dialogue with the inner me. I don't see how this work but it make the situation go worse?! probably not. It looks like the person was lost. Lost in the wood or I should say lost in the world of trust. There's something i can't find them back and that makes the life moves toward gray.

No matter how, it's great to live in this world, too many tasks to learn and too many things i need to give up.
What if there's a life that i can't control? I don't know ~

Too many things don't know why

Dear Zoe,

Too much time I questioned about why life is so hard and so many decisions needed to make.  Sometimes I even don't how the result will be after a long period of time.  I don't know if the other ones would be regret or not.  Too many things I can't predict and too many things I don't know how to get a better decision.  Do you have any good advice?

Love, SH

Glad to find the person able to give

Dear Zoe,

I was watching a film posted in TED.  And a line just come up in the mind running through and it showed..
"Glad to find the person able to give." Yes, at least the one who can give is more rich then the one can only seize. Eventhough there's still no answer for all the pauses... At least, I found one is about to give is a blissed!

Love, SH

Had a bad day

Dear Zoe,

A song made me cry for whole day. Finally the tears for the event can find it's way out. I flattered. The lyrics just discribes the way I am going though.

magic is lost
blue skies fade in to grey,
passions gone away.

tears in my eyes

Question that gets the answer by Cards

Wondering

Dear Z,

it's me again. Read your forward mail about "Yuen" that you send me this morning. I like the metaphore it says about how life like the flowing water. Yuen is like the waves, they come and go. But it missed mention about how should the self-reproach being replaced. 

Days getting better lately, still wake up late though. Probably that's something I need to adjust 1st, at least make it into a normal schedule but not only happend once in a while.
Kid issue is a big task to my life, I don't even know what should I do. The only thing I can figure it out is leaving the condition to the "time" to answer it. I don't want to be the one block the other's wish, I do know how hurt it is. And I just come out with no other way.

Lot's of friends mentioned about life is hard? I don't think so, but people blocked the solution makes it harder. Maybe I am still the one who wish to make more people happy and that's why I will offering the seperation idea, just to give both of us a way out to find our own expectation in life. My up and down emotion comes from insecure and that's something bear in my life, I need more then regular standard to feel secure. No one but myself can clearly see that point, eventhough I figure it out late. And it's unfair to tell the other one that what he provide so far is unable to settle my thought in secure, if you already see how hard he is working on it.  And I do nothing to improve that what call security.  And that is partially why I don't think having a child is fair.  I am stocked, stocked in the situation I don't even know how to solve.

What if the other one unable to feel my insecure, is that called different core value?
Things that wondering in my mind.  And finally, finally, these can be narrated little by littel.

Love, SH

境遇，在島嶼

Dear Z,

Sorry, 我沒接你的電話，最近就是一種不知道為什麼不想對話的狀態。也許是不想丟出範樣的訊息，只是為了一種禮貌，微笑著我看著自己連裝禮貌都提不起勁。

昨晚，好一陣子沒聯繫的老朋友來電話，問了好不好。接起電話，就是打算用真實的模樣面對的時候，我跟她說，"還好吧，不知道。"她問，"怎麼了？"，"不知道怎麼回事呢！"，喬出了一個掰出來的理由組起這個懶懶的還好吧！對話的當下，我思索著，如果這是我必須面對的空間，無法跨開的地域，或者這就必須繼續往前走的景象，這個靈魂該如何和這些纏繞與該與不該做一個和平的共處。就像綠色和平的那種國際組織一樣，尋找到一種可以作到protection理念又能夠和這世界相容的境地呢？

最近繼續在運動中，每天基本的600x4steps已經能夠在堅持中跨越，你呢？可以撐到多少了呢？偶爾會多吃了些零食，就有一種罪惡，一兩次還可以勉強自己再多做些運動，消掉那些意外(也許不是意外而是一種補償作用吧...^^)入口的熱量。很訝異，因為你的在家慢步，也跟著讓我慢慢的組出了這樣的習慣。至少，是這一段茫然無目標的日子裡，重要的正向事項。

今天有個突發奇想，想說，能不能動到累了，累到連那些虧欠和欠疚的思緒，都可以在過程中消耗隱形。可以看到這實在想要擺脫的包袱，或者，如果已經宣告不再參與，是該放下那一直撐著乘水的玻璃杯，就讓手臂好好的休息。(我喜歡你轉寄給我的那份email，也許是時間到了一個可以打開心情想想的時候..Anyhow,謝謝你那份剛好出現的文章。)

別偷懶，想到在電視前面動一動，消耗個一點點的卡路里，都是一種神氣！

Love, SH

抱歉，不該是你！

Dear Z,

自己被困在一個情境裡，好久，都快成了低潮的習慣期了。找了其他的理由說不開心，其實，也許只是在一種框限的文化裡，解讀一個關於情感的來與去。加上一些應該或不應該的判定，就讓心和思緒困在一個灰暗的自責。人們說愛，如果是關於愛情，對於婚姻裡的角色似乎有著一種應該絕緣的預設思緒。只是，一段感情的出走，是一個人的問題還是兩個人的問題？或者，沒有太多的考慮，就直接是那個出走方的瓶頸？

為了一個短暫的出走，成了一種空虛，回到原本的狀態裡，就像無味的水那樣的無奇、無期。連生命中曾經還閃著光亮的意義，全都溶在那個已經離開的轉移。也許，這真是我的問題！而自己卻沒有一隻能夠轉開鎖的鑰匙，去解開這一個情境轉移後的迷境。一部分嚴重自責，對於一方無私的照顧和用心，這個出走是一個無法被自己容許的抱歉，或者說，這是一種不公平，而自己卻無法忍受就這樣放在生活裡，安靜的傷害著另一方的用心。不公平..我跟自己說，至少，不該讓這樣一個很認真的人，有這樣的待遇。而這個對白，也成了自己的沉痛。原來，沒有方式說抱歉，也是一種折磨人的方式。

這個故事依然隱匿在我所居住的空間裡，也許，是自己還沒準備好該怎麼前行，也還沒有勇氣面對投入事實後的水痕會怎樣的成浪打擊。只是，為什麼是自己？為什麼是這個時間須要走過這樣的難為，為這個不知為何如此的行程而翻亂了接續日夜的思緒。

也許，那個對話，從來就不是一段玩笑！

謝謝你，沒有拒絕，給了一個喘氣的空間，某個方式的在透氣，在幾乎窒息裡微微的透著氣。

Love, SH

That somebody

Dear Zoe,

Met my friends at a dinner gathering and accidently heard this Sbody. It's like someone peeling a deep scabbed wound. My mind just like being smashed by a suddent bat, at that moment and need to skip the topic to blur the deep sorrow. At that moment, I knew, I need to escape from the enviroment which might related to the keyword. Ended in silence hurts and till now, it still has it's own effect even a similar pronouciation will lead my mind into scared.


Does this is the course I need to process? or it's a karma that I ever sent someone going though it? I am sorry, I should said to the one that ever been through these way.  It's a deep pain, too pain to make a sound but only expressed by distorted fist. Life is hard, I am glad you only need to know this from reading but not throw it in your life. Be happy, keep some more smile for me.


Love, SH

借光

DZ,

最近被丟一個問號，"如果子嗣的事情成真，對你而言，什麼心情迎接這件事情？"
當下的觀察，沒有特別的感覺，就是一件新的事情，要學習，要面對。其實，熟知情緒處理的專家會窺伺到一些端倪，可能，會有人推斷，有憂鬱的傾向。老實說，我沒有要逃避什麼，只是被傷的很重，重到一種提不起勁的懶惰。很神奇，因為刺傷的那把刀，是無形的，卻搶奪了生命裡的一種火光，那種對生活感興趣的火光。

我還在觀察，是哪一段的傷害，會滅了一種在生活裡感到開心的火光。如果你有發現，如果你有找到，或者遇到了誰曾經帶走這樣的光芒，記得，請他/她還給對方。因為，少了那個燃點的光亮，日子變得淡然而無味，只是我不了解，為什麼人們掠奪這樣的能量，只為了自己少掉的燃點，就這樣一個自私的初衷，世界就這樣竄留著有限的能量。

不知道哪裡會有能量，可以補足這樣的光芒，也許，會在某一個艷陽的下午，或者會在某一個落著大雨的晚上，或者，是像有些人鼓足了勇氣，就全然放下的那一刻，那個光芒回到了身上。

周遭朋友從片段訊息中，拼湊著對於這個狀態的想法，大肆論述著他認為是怎麼樣，該怎麼樣，可以怎麼樣。當故事沒有完整性的時候，這樣聽著說法，只能用莞爾一笑帶過一個無言的橋段，有時候，我累倒了，倦於澄清事實與敘述上的落差；有時候，我只是在想，多說又能怎樣？他的靜默，依然沒有解讀的說法；這個抽離，依然沒有完整的段章；這段相遇，不過是一個沒有被回答的問號，又能怎樣？不能怎樣。

如果你有時光機，借我！我真的需要按快轉，讓這段無力茫然閒晃的時間，快讓它過去吧！

fm SH

Can you fix that?

Have you ever found exausted when talking
to someone who customary critisize on things when every you said?


When your message left some reply in FB, he would say you like to show off.
When you replying what his question,
he commented you were too selfish of doing this and that.
Can we just be a friend listening to other's murmuring?
It's not necessary to make my day into your rules, isn't it?
And what he latly mentioned frequently "be a professional listner"

To say the truth, I had a line for you! my dear!
Fix your attitude first.
Or I'll see two patients coming out from the consulting room after the dialoguing.

Looks like..

Letter from SH

DZ,

I received a letter from a friend who I acquainted with 2 weeks ago, mentioned that I looked "HAPPY". Grinned, when I read the word. Did I hide in a perfect way or my face just disconnect with the brain I have? To bad that we haven't met lately, or I will ask you if I do seem that disassociate!

Hope it's not something being trained by the environment and I even don't know how to express a no tone feeling to people around me.  A friend called and asked what I think about her life existent recently. There's a cause for people find his/her drama. There's up and downs in every episode I take. sometimes it need a pause only there's no mark on the script, sometimes we would go some advice from friends around, it depends. Or sometimes I would just took a wrong suggestion, just like this time and torn my life in pieces.

Share you something great! I've keep on jogging more then 20mins everyday even though my weight still remained in the same scale. At least that's one thing I Keenp-on doing. And sometimes that keeps my day in a brighter way. How have you been? miss you when ever I have a hot latte in my hand. How's the ceremony? Is it going to be over or there's weeks left?

September, already! remembered that we are planing to gather someday in this month?! I'll wait till you finish those ceremonies.

I wrote something in the passed week, share with you. You wouldn't know how much I want to have a life as you are, free from the relationship. As you said, dreams are always more beautiful then how it works in real. People is always greedy to own a life that he can't have... as I am one of them.

Expectation of the emptiness

你的虛，我的空，

在時空交會處猛烈的撞擊，

摔落前緊握的不是你伸援的手，
而是那份我們相同擁有、亟欲掙脫又不敢猛作的框限，
文字裡傳遞的L與M帶著什麼樣的線索？
是幾層代表著不同意義的閃躲，
還是真正希望擁有的special?
也許，這個過程，我們都在造就另一個獨特，
不是捧寵著對方，而是一把讓自己跌落無底的黑洞

在無止境的黑夜中，掙扎，摸索。


Take care, don't work too hard, you need rest!


Love SH

Movie - In her shose

Letter from SH
Watched another movie this evening and 2 poems catches my seight,
this could be a way for me to learn more about English and also the reason why I try to "trace" it from the web could probably because that is somehow tells the way I want to express, in the past, present or maybe in the future.  It's a wish...wish some day i might be able use my own words to tell you how it felt for these passing days.

I thank the god that you are there and i remained this channel to "say" ...
===================================

i carry your heart with me  by e. e cummings, 1958



i carry your heart with me


(i carry it in my heart)


i am never without it


(anywhere i go you go, my dear;


and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)



i fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want


no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)


and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant


and whatever a sun will always sing is you


here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud


and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)


and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart


i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Stream in Youtube
===============================================
One Art -- by Elizabeth Bishop



The art of losing isn't hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent

to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:places, and names, and where it was you meant

to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or next-to-last, of three loved houses went.

The art of losing isn't hard to master.


I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster, some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.

I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture I love)

I shan't have lied. It's evident the art of losing's not too hard to master

though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

Her question mark, why?

Letter from SH..

Trying to keep my brain focusing on something, and I watched another movie this evening. It's about the era around Nazi. 

The sence that caught my breath is the little girl had no choice being born in that era and in the family that was marked by the Nazi.  She asked " why people hates me? what did I do?"  Life rarely gave us the answer until we have gone though it.

There's always quetion about why life treat us in this way, unless the time passed, unless we got old, we would never be able to know the reason why the footprints need to be arranged in this way.

I do admire this woman who can help so much lifes during that black period with determination and with no fear.

At the very begining, I am kind of confused by an American actress dubbing with German and not until the very end of the movie, I saw Ireny herself talking on the screen, I realized why Anna Paquin will be the main character. To me, they have similar eyes when smile.

Dzieci Ireny Sendlerowej (The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiTaR2Qy4sQ

Line that marked by SH - Moive Beautifl Kate

Man can live in the whole life and never coped his greatest achieve... From the movie Beautiful Kate

Where did we being trapped?
The reality or the mind or just things can't fine a right time to disclose?
Dialogue about the feeling keeps 2 persons apart from distance.

What's going to be?

Letter from SH


剛從透進光的窗戶望出去，綠意山景，還有藍天白雲的背景，一個值得微笑的view，帶著好心情，從床舖開始這一天未知的旅程。這裡的每一天，都端著不同的驚奇，有時候，可以照著思緒，照著想要的預計，跨步出去。有時候，那些心裡頭打算，就只是模擬的狀態而以，一些理由，暫時取消了原本該走的行程，只因為，沒有那個動力。

如果拿這些與人對話，最常收到的問號，如下：為什麼？怎麼會？如何？

若這些答案可以在問號畫完前，完整的列好，過陣子，你也無須再收到這些但著一種意興闌珊的文字和符號訊息。對你和我，都是一種釋放吧，我想！接觸變少，不是故意，或許那是一種等待，等待著某一個轉變的來臨，有機會嘗試，再嘗試。有人說，平靜下來會看到一些扭轉的線索，也許，自己也在等待那個似乎不知怎麼就硬被帶走的線索。或者，有時候我問的是，會有這樣的線索嗎？I really don't know.

對於這個空，和這份靜默，就獻給這一段被外星人劫走的時空，隨著星空，跟著月圓，遠走。那兒，也才能看到跨越國界，沒有框際的時空，有我，還有那無須再掀起的call。There is no call, only the echo penetrated in solo.

Judge

當敘述過程被簡單的conclusion作頓號，
接續的內容有時會重得連搬出來的情況都還更hard，
不懂有人對話裡說著不是要評價，
但聆聽敘述時，又會有從自我價值評價的說法，
如此，從同一個發話者的發送狀態，
該如何的讓這個現象reveal？

如果身邊充斥著這樣的對話內容，
那又是一種看似透明，但實質沉重的背包吧？

快，讓背包裡的荷重物，離開！

if

Friends talking about dharma, what is it?

While people talking about dharma, is it already being a part of it?

I am lost in the cosmos dharma, will I being found someday?

Hope so...cross my fingers and pray.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQ1JAuBeVAE&feature=related

Movie - Lemon Tree

剛看完一部中東故事的電影，檸檬樹。點選它，是因為"為真實故事改編"的字樣。

對於中東的文化禮俗是全然的陌生，但人的模樣卻是熟悉的，至少世界的許多角落，有這些人們的落腳處。


故事是從一位以色列國防部長入新居後，由於"對國家安全有重大影響"的理由，需要砍伐鄰家巴勒斯坦寡婦-薩瑪的父親就開始種植的檸檬果樹。喜歡在故事裡，將中東人們對於婚姻、禮教等，在生活中無名的約束，透過故事情節娓娓而說。


薩瑪執意要對砍伐樹林的命令作抗爭，因而結識女婿的律師朋友。對以巴之關係的印象，就不如對中東人明顯輪廓帶點神秘感那樣的深刻。平常在新聞裡偶爾會聽到，但卻像是一則與自己不知怎麼連上關係的訊息，淡淡的經過耳際，當訊息說完，也沒了印象。


某一日，律師因為宵禁無法回到原本住處，而寄宿在薩瑪家。隔幾日後，平常根本不常來訪的薩瑪岳父，特別到家裡來表達關心，不是對於檸檬果園，不是對於她的生活近況，是一段段越來越嚴厲，彷彿他是主持神聖規則的教主，特地來提醒薩瑪，不要玷污了她已故丈夫的名譽。在這當刻，一種無形沉重的枷鎖，在對話間沉盪了下來，就重重的壓在胸口讓人喘步過氣來的那種沉甸感。


檸檬樹的議題在媒體間討論了起來，也引起國外媒體的留意。女主角在第一次抗告失敗，法院裁決在國防部部長圍籬外的檸檬樹區，要用鐵柵欄圍起，不能有任何人進入。薩瑪決心上訴到最高法，而圍起鐵網的作業，也在裁決後幾天便開始進行。檸檬樹在隔離之中，逐漸的枯萎。境頭帶到國防部長與夫人間的無法對話，關係間帶有一種無力感，也許是落寞，或者是些許的憂鬱，不在表情上的表現，而是放在兩者對話的無法tune到相同頻道。


還有什麼比心理上的枷鎖，還來的有緊扣栓鎖，足以讓人舉手投足間，完全的圈盪在其中。

Waves to the past

my hands, waving.
Waving to the past and present,
waving to what I have said,
waving to the idiot things I've done,
waving to the inconceivable events that have happend,
waving to the sweet promises that have been said,
waving to the memories that still running in the head.


Left them in the dark night, to the half moon,
to the stars that far far away,
leave to the palm tree in the island in the middle of Mediterranean,
leave to the dumbs that still keeps them in hands.


Bye to the past, and there need a ceremony to complete the farewell.

Is she better?

Got her message, kind of relief. But at the same time still worried about the situation..is she better?


這是個難以說明的情境，深淵的沉落，哪是一句話，一個想法，或者是一段時間就可以跨越過去，生命裡的黑狗像陰影般的跟隨，其來有理，只是那理字在這樣的時空裡，只能深埋在層層包裹的思緒裡。




希望能和身邊的好友們說聲對不起，因為沉靜，並非表面的狀態而已，還有一種更結構性的毀滅在衝盪著基底。I am sorry, my dear!連自己也不知道為什麼，把真心交付出去後，會成了一種束縛住自己的圈頸。像是進了黑洞那種完全空靜，然後連意義也全都送了出去。




看著週遭發生的事情，理當不應該如此的脆裂，不該輕易的放棄，但生命怎是一字"理"可以說明。或者這正是個補充期，需要一段時間的深呼吸，在太陽裡，在黑夜裡，在如何經過一個人也可以的寂靜，這些當一段時日的經過，而仍然像鐘擺班活著的時候，也許那時候我才懂得，最簡單的意義其實就是可以入氣吐氣，然後微笑的看著遠方那曾經，體會這些經歷的腳步，是這樣的必需，這樣的需要隨心所欲，這樣的讓人耗盡體力回復到原點的起始區。




必須崇敬這造物者的神奇，就這一來一往的空氣，稀薄的對話，交流的文字哩，也可以這樣讓人倒抽一口氣，停滯在一種踏無底的懸空境地。連嘶吼都瞬時吸淨，就僅留存在在空間哩，獨自無聲的抖動啜泣。一種愛無法説出的扭曲，就在一年的某一個時刻，再一次的，狠狠的被藤抽、啃食，在無言中觀顧著這樣的事情，是否還會深裂著那一份未曾先保護自己的簡單而已。




其實，我很想問為什麼？但這三個字母的辭彙，不知道該由誰回答才是最終的角落...或者，在回覆之前，我已不想再留。可以這樣就走？就說累了，該走。

What if

A friend of mine went to an island vacation in Tailand. That just remind me there's a long while I didn't escape from the place i am used to be.  How long will it take to establish the stereotype of perception or expectation? and how long does it take to get rid of it?


If days can't find a way to switch the point of view, will the thought become as stubborn as concrete or it depends? Probably  I can't even stand for myself to become a concrete in thought. but what if the environment around me toward that direction....?

The Last Station - Story about Leo Tolstoy

I knew his name of a famous ideologist or someone would call him a thinker. With bad memory of the names, I can rarely link the work and the authors, therefore, I didn't link Tolstoy with War and Peace, or Anna Karenina until I started reading his peom. The movie played in the afternoon. I knew a little about the background about Tolstoy but not much about his family and late life.

The reason intrested me to know more about how his life was is the curiosity of how those great people balancing their life in realistic and idealistic.  Such as practical material world and to a world that is ideally utopia.  Maybe I am intrested in understanding how a human can cope the two extrems in a mid-way.

Pretty much love with the dialogues while his friends aruging...

Cross my fingers

I need some luck to turn the dark into light gray


Cross my fingers, waiting for the calls


Maybe the ringing brings a grin, maybe it sends the lost


I don't know what should I expect


not until the answering button have been push


not until the "hello" have been said


the message that it set to be dlivered


that would never being told and heard

Fallen Apart

~Shared by a friend~

If that can be narrated as a story,

then it won't be as hurt as this.

If that can be express in words,

then there would be some place to save.

If that can be chant into melody,

then I would no longer stay in gray.

=================================
There's a sudden thought coming up to my mind

A waving to the past and a farewell to the "have been"

I am not sure how much I can stand

Maybe one day, you will be trapped by the stairs you've made

At that time, I can only be the witness from  distance away

Probably I may spare some love to the human with you,

if I am generous enough and able to take them all

Probably I am still going through the  healing period

and also need the input of the care from outsider

So, I can only stare at what all these happend, just as what you left me

made me falling from the top of the high building and break the heart into pieces

And I even need to find the adhesive myself and glued the pieces all alone

PEM, enjoy the sorrow you've bring me

Probably one day, probably some day, 

you will be suffered by the unconcernd expressing of the love you've expressed

or maybe that course would need to be taken in the next round,

and people who knew the story already left and ran away

怎麼回事？

走過擺著零碼鞋款的柏肯店面，
逐一個看著單腳朝外的款式，
順手端了靠左邊的鞋款，
想比一比兩個模樣的差異，
一路跟著走動方向移動的店員，
看著手上的單腳鞋被移動到另一隻鞋旁，
啥也沒說的，便把那換了地方的鞋子，
迅速移回原本的位子。

那時候，我在想，這是怎麼回事，
這年頭的孩子，都是這樣的一個冷漠回應的服務嗎？
突然間，跟這個主流世代的互動有了一種鴻溝，
不知道是自己太過敏感，
還是這樣的服務本來就少了一種暖和，
或者是在來回互動之間，其實不用想太多...