Wondering

Dear Z,

it's me again. Read your forward mail about "Yuen" that you send me this morning. I like the metaphore it says about how life like the flowing water. Yuen is like the waves, they come and go. But it missed mention about how should the self-reproach being replaced. 

Days getting better lately, still wake up late though. Probably that's something I need to adjust 1st, at least make it into a normal schedule but not only happend once in a while.
Kid issue is a big task to my life, I don't even know what should I do. The only thing I can figure it out is leaving the condition to the "time" to answer it. I don't want to be the one block the other's wish, I do know how hurt it is. And I just come out with no other way.

Lot's of friends mentioned about life is hard? I don't think so, but people blocked the solution makes it harder. Maybe I am still the one who wish to make more people happy and that's why I will offering the seperation idea, just to give both of us a way out to find our own expectation in life. My up and down emotion comes from insecure and that's something bear in my life, I need more then regular standard to feel secure. No one but myself can clearly see that point, eventhough I figure it out late. And it's unfair to tell the other one that what he provide so far is unable to settle my thought in secure, if you already see how hard he is working on it.  And I do nothing to improve that what call security.  And that is partially why I don't think having a child is fair.  I am stocked, stocked in the situation I don't even know how to solve.

What if the other one unable to feel my insecure, is that called different core value?
Things that wondering in my mind.  And finally, finally, these can be narrated little by littel.

Love, SH